What's all this for?
and is it hustle culture or a privileged life?
This morning I posted a version of my average schedule onto Instagram. A usual short form post for those looking for their quick hit:
As I was making that particular post I had some reflections. Enough to write this companion piece.
My schedule shows my average 8.00am - 18.00pm and looking at it, the first thing I notice is how busy it is. Or should I say how busy it seems to me. Every hour is accounted for and I’m doing a lot of juggling. If I’m not looking after the kids I’m working with clients. If I’m not working with clients, it’s clinical supervision, or teaching students, or writing.
When creating the post I found myself wondering a few things - why am I doing all of this work? Am I encouraging “hustle culture”. Or do I actually only work part time?
Whether my audience sees hustle culture, or a part time easy life doesn’t really matter. What matters to me is why my schedule looks like this, what’s this all for?
Firstly, how I live my life right now helps me with meaning. As I’ve said before I don’t believe in a god or an afterlife, so if I’m going to live, I need to find my own meaning. To do that I follow Viktor Frankl’s three ways to find meaning.
My schedule helps me with: “Finding work or doing a deed”. I’m doing many things, working on many projects, and importantly for me the work I find is often creative. My schedule helps me: “Experience something or encounter someone” through every part of my work and life I’m experiencing something beautiful, encountering someone wonderful. Finally my schedule forces me, as much as I don’t want it to, to develop my; “Attitude towards unavoidable suffering”. My life involves suffering. I can let that ruin me, or work through it (with help).
Another reason I live this life now is for a better future. My not too distant future. I’m not planning so much for retirement age. Because really, that’s too far away and as I’ve said before, perhaps I won’t reach a ripe old age:
I’m planning for my 40s.
I’m trying to straddle the balance of my 30s being fun, full of life and meaning. While enabling my 40s to be really fucking chill. I’d like a smaller mortgage so I can work less. I’d like published books, so I can work less. I’d like secure, happy children, so I can have some of my life back.
All of this work now, all this potential “hustle” in theory will pay back.
But hang on - this schedule, it does have a whiff of privilege right? I’ll say that it feels mentally busy because everything I do in my life is emotionally heavy so it takes its toll - and let’s be fair parenting is a full time job in itself. But still, it’s the kind of schedule that I’ve always wanted, one I’ve spent ten years building.
With my schedule I still get time alone. I “only” have three clinical days and my kids don’t have all of my time.
On top of that I get a whole day for writing. Is that work - yes, does it feel like it - sometimes, do I get paid - a smidge right now.
I’m also privileged in that I’m healthy (enough) both physically and mentally and let’s add to that that I am a white, cis, man from a middle class family. So life has been easier for me (not to take away my adversity due to being gay and dyslexic but you know, I had a head start).
So again, whether my schedule appears to be hustle culture, or a privileged part time delight all I need to know is that this is all for the now AND the future. I am doing the work I’m capable of doing. Living a life I’ve worked for - for the better part of a decade and all of this is so I can look forward to an ideally chill 40s.
I have a reason, a why and that’s what keeps me going.
Thank you for reading today’s essay, happy Friday,
Tom